Even those who love their mothers and fathers dearly still tend to find them somewhat socially retarded. Most people strive to carve out their own identities and secretly harbor the fear that they will eventually morph into their parents. Whether it’s neglecting unsightly ear and nose hairs or losing the ability to operate even the simplest electronic devices, your folks’ characteristics that others consider nothing more than quirky are likely to make you lose sleep wondering if you’re a genetic time bomb.
As a result, one effective way to end a conversation you’ve grown weary of is to refer to your fellow conversant by the name of his or her parent. This is especially effective when dealing with significant others. For example…
This technique is, in fact, so effective that it often ends the conversation immediately. Mid-sentence. It is worth noting, however, that in rare cases the abruptly completed conversation will be replaced by an even longer argument, so you must use this technique judiciously.
Also note that this technique is totally ineffective if your conversational partner and his or her parent share a surname.
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This is simply too effective. How does one “judiciously” employ this technique? I’d really like to know. In my experience, you have a better chance of sleeping in your bed if you simply tell your partner to STFU.
This is indeed a very effective method for 99.99% of the scenarios I can imagine. In my case, however, it could never work. I am in an open relationship with my wife and my in-laws, in which we swap partners quite often and have been known to engage in wild foursomes during Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. If I were to employ this technique I fear that it would only lead to a “Who’s on first”-type confusion where Mommy-in-law would think I was replying to something she said. Add to it the fact that her and her husband are hard of hearing and it would be a shitshow.