Through hyperbole and overuse, the words we use tend to lose their meaning over time. Take the popular expression ‘epic fail.’ Besides being grammatically incorrect, you would probably expect such a dramatic sounding term to be reserved for a calamity on the scale of an earthquake or…the Titanic. Instead, people use this expression every day in reference to a substandard episode of their favorite show or a burned bagel.
‘Ultimate’ is another epic word. We use this word to describe all sorts of things that are far from a limit beyond which further progress is impossible. Your buddy will tell you he has the ultimate hangover this weekend, and then tell you the same thing again next weekend. Jack in the Box, of all places, markets a product known as the ‘ultimate cheeseburger.’ We’ve even created a game called ‘ultimate,’ which, ironically, is really just touch football played with Frisbees. (Pppht! That’s like serving a meal called ‘ultimate’ that’s actually just a hamburger made from tofu. Ultimate, indeed.)
In light of this degradation of meaning, it is perfectly logical to reach for novel ways of characterizing events that hold special significance to you. I’ll be the first to admit that, from time to time, language requires new words to replace older words that have grown stale. Just be careful. The words we already have still convey some meaning. Take care to respect these meanings or you will unwittingly contribute to their decay.
The Penultimate Example
Seeking to emphasize how profound an impact some experience had on them, some people try to dress up a lackluster old word in order to make it stand out and seem more impressive. They’ll say, for example, “I just got the penultimate blowjob of my entire life!” ‘Penultimate,’ after all, sounds like an even more ultimate epic version of ‘ultimate,’ and so the guy who says this is frequently flattered by the looks of astonishment it evokes from his listeners. In his enthusiasm, he fails to realize that what he just expressed to anyone who understands the actual meaning of the word ‘penultimate’ is that he’s just received the next to last blowjob of his entire life. The shocked expressions on his listeners’ faces do not indicate how impressed they are with his accomplishment, as he assumes, but rather their deep concern for his long-term well being.
Epic penultimate fail.
2 Responses
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Ultimate Frisbee is so much more than just “touch football played with Frisbees”. It’s the best sport of all time, and it goes beyond that. It’s a lifestyle. ULTIMATE FRISBEE FOR LIFE!!!
^ Frisbee games are gay. And anyone claiming a frisbee game is a “sport” or a “lifestyle” is even more gay. Ultimate Frisbee is the antepenultimate gay game. Goaltimate is the penultimate gay game. And Frisbee Golf is the ultimate in gayness.